FREEDOM FROM BITTERNESS (Parts 31-40)
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 31: WARNING SIGNS - ACTIONS (1/16/22)
“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.
“See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone” (1 Thes 5:14-15).
“See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.”
My friend, Guido, went a little crazy at times. Guido was dating a young lady who lived in a dormitory at a local college. The relationship went well for a while, but Guido’s girlfriend decided that she would date other people.
This decision galled Guido. He stewed and stewed about it until he could stand it no longer. Guido decided to take action.
Guido knew his girlfriend loved to hang out on the lawn in front of her dormitory. Late one rainy evening, Guido drove his pickup truck to the college, hopped the curb at the dormitory, and drove it onto the lawn in front of the dormitory.
Guido then revved the engine and began turning “doughnuts” in the lawn. He went around and around trying to tear up as much of the lawn as he could. Each time Guido spun his tires, mud flew and ruts formed in the lawn.
Finally, after he had torn up the lawn, but before the police arrived, Guido shook his fist at the dorm, yelled some choice words directed at his girlfriend, and took off.
Bitterness begins internally with feelings, thoughts, and memories that are replayed regularly. Then bitterness proceeds to external expression – words, gossip, backbiting, and finally action.
Bitterness action is normally retaliatory. It is the classic “eye for an eye.” But in the words of Mohandas Gandhi: “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”
So before you act, consider first the damage to yourself – the hardness that grows inside as we begin to act in spite or in malice toward other people. In the story above, Guido inflicted some damage on the landscape.
But Guido also inflicted some damage on himself. He burned up the clutch on his truck and had to get it repaired.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. Your soul.
[Surrender and Trust is a yearlong daily devotional and is available at the Books tab.]
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 32: YOUR SOUL (1/18/22)
“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul” (1 Pet 2:11).
“The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small” (From How the Grinch Stole Christmas! by Dr. Seuss).
The Grinch’s heart was “two sizes too small.” You are a living soul, but scripture also speaks of your soul as if it is something you possess, steward, and shepherd.
When we perform acts of kindness and acts of service, it enlarges our soul. When we grow in faith, in hope, or in love, then our soul thrives and increases.
But when we shrink into bitterness, then our soul shrinks with it. When we feel unkindly toward another person or when we think bad thoughts toward that person, our soul shrivels. When we diminish in faith, in hope, or in love, then our soul diminishes as well.
Jesus encouraged His followers to be very careful about their souls. “For what can a man give in return for his soul?” (Lk 8:37).
Take care of your soul. Don’t allow bitterness to shrink it!
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. Impact: Righteous and proud.
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 33: IMPACT: RIGHTEOUS AND PROUD (1/21/22)
“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling” (Prov 26:27).
“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” – Attributed to Confucius.
One very public example of bitterness in action in the second half of the 19th century was the feud between the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s. The Hatfield-McCoy Feud began with two individuals during the Civil War in 1863. As the bitterness escalated, the feud grew to families; then to clans; then to communities; and even to states. Before the feud ended, the Governors of both Kentucky and West Virginia got involved which culminated in a case heard by the U. S. Supreme Court.
Major events of the feud included the Battle of the Grapevine Creek and the 1888 New Year’s Night Massacre. In the 1888 New Year’s Night Massacre, a group of armed Hatfield’s surrounded a McCoy cabin and began to fire into it. After some McCoy’s shot back, the Hatfield’s set the cabin on fire and shot McCoy family members as they fled from the burning building.
The last major act of the Hatfield-McCoy Feud was a trial in 1901. Over the four decades that the feud lasted, more than a dozen persons were killed on both sides, many more were maimed or wounded, and at least nine persons served hard prison time – most of them life sentences (Source: Wikipedia).
Pride is a huge factor when a disagreement between two factions escalates into violence. But it isn’t just pride. It is also righteous indignation. Then again, pride and righteous indignation go hand in hand. They are frequent companions of bitterness.
Righteous indignation begins with a sense of justice. “What they did was wrong – plain and simple!” or “They can’t get away with this. We won’t let them!”
Once a group is convinced of the rightness of its cause, then revenge, retaliation, or some other form of “payback” is justified. Pride is the real motivation for the action, but self righteousness – a sense of correctness in the cause - has now justified the action.
A major dilemma for Christians is: When do we give up our rights and suffer injustice like Jesus did? Christians are instructed to “repay no one evil for evil” (Rom 12:17a) and then “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God” (Rom 12:19a).
My encouragement in this dilemma is twofold:
1. Discern the extent to which what you call a “sense of justice” is actually motivated by pride and self righteousness; and
2. Discern the impact of your words and actions on your soul. Is your “sense of justice” leading you into a frequent companion: bitterness? The second grave you are digging when you impose your idea of justice may be a grave for your soul.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. Impact: Mood and attitude.
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 34: IMPACT: CRABBY (1/23/22)
“He has besieged and enveloped me with bitterness and tribulation; he has made me dwell in darkness like the dead of long ago” (Lam 3:5-6).
On June 15, 1991, Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. Mount Pinatubo was the second largest volcanic eruption in the 20th century. The ash cloud from the eruption rose 22 MILES into the air. In the weeks that followed, satellites tracked the ash cloud several times around the globe (Source: pubs.usgs.gov)
My family went to the North Carolina coast later that summer. The beach sunsets were different than the glorious yellow and red blazes we usually saw. The sunsets were shrouded with lavender, orange, and gray hues. The sky had ominous overtones. It was almost eerie. During the day, the atmosphere was hazy and dense.
Mount Pinatubo was almost halfway across the world. But the volcano had thrown so much ash, particles, and gas into the atmosphere that it impacted the scenery on the east coast of the United States. The atmosphere was contaminated.
Bitterness is the root cause of many personality traits. One trait is moodiness. Bitterness impacts my mood and attitude like an ash cloud. Instead of seeing bright and cheery lifescapes, my mood is hazy and clouded. Bitterness makes me gloomy, jaded, cynical, and suspicious.
I might have ten thousand reasons to be thankful, but bitterness is a tough taskmaster. Bitterness demands that I focus on the offense, the injustice, or the slight, and that is what I see, not the reasons for gratitude.
And because of my crabby mood and attitude, most people don’t like to be around me. Which rejection, in turn, leads to more crabbiness.
Don’t allow bitterness to cast a pall on your outlook!
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. The prisoner in the Lord.
[Surrender and Trust is a yearlong daily devotional and is available at the Books tab.]
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 35: THE PRISONER IN THE LORD (1/25/22)
“I, therefore, the prisoner in the Lord…” (Eph. 4:1a)(ASV).
If anyone had reason to be bitter, it was Paul, right? Here is a guy who committed his whole life to serving God. He devoted his time, his energy, his mind, his sexuality, his resources – everything was devoted to serve the God he loved.
And here is his accounting:
Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one.
Three times I was beaten with rods.
Once I was stoned.
Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers;
in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night,
in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.
And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches (2 Cor 11:24-28).
And now, Paul was a prisoner. This guy should be bitter, right? His God had let him down. He should have the darkest and gloomiest outlook in the world. And yet…
And yet…No! Paul trusted God and He trusted God’s hand in every circumstance in his life. In fact, Paul didn’t see himself as a prisoner of men, he saw himself as a “prisoner in the Lord” – a prisoner by the will, grace, goodness, and love of the Lord.
Here is Paul’s outlook on his chains:
I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ (Phlp 1:12-13).
Paul saw grace and glory in his bondage. Paul had a key perspective that we all should have, and we will discuss that perspective next time.
Paul also saw purpose in his bondage. Now we can look back and we can see more than Paul could about his bondage. Because he was in prison, Paul could not communicate with his beloved churches in person. So Paul wrote letters – letters of guidance, letters of encouragement, and letters of instruction. These letters still exist today for our benefit and they are part of our holy scripture.
We have the prison epistles of Paul today because Paul refused to be bitter about his chains and because Paul was a prisoner “in the Lord” - and not a prisoner of bitterness.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. Link up to glory.
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 36: LINK UP TO GLORY! (1/28/22)
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies…”
“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Cor 4:8-10; 17-18).
In our last post, we described the injustice, oppression, and bondage that Paul faced as a result of his service in the Lord. Yet Paul trusted God’s hand in everything and he refused to be bitter!
In the middle of his trials and tribulations, Paul looked ahead. He looked into eternity and, through faith, saw the glory which awaited him. He saw the fullness of time, the spectacular Presence of God, the unhindered fellowship with Jesus, and the experience of pure love. Paul “linked up” to glory.
As a person of faith, I believe in this glory. But I tend to see the experience of glory as something that is nebulous – something in the distant future and far away. The promise of glory is just a “blip” in my existence.
Here is a spiritual truth: the “blip” in my existence is this present life. That is why Paul calls it “transient” and “light and momentary.” My earthly life is but a vapor. The eternal weight of glory exceeds and overcomes this life so far that it is “beyond comparison.”
As we go through our daily lives, we need to “link up to glory.” It is the “now, but not yet” of the kingdom of God. Although we experience small tastes of it, we don’t see it fully manifested yet. But its reality far outweighs our momentary trials and tribulations.
Paul did not allow bitterness to keep him from linking up to glory, and we should not allow it either.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. Impacts: Blindness.
WALKING IN FREEDOM - BITTERNESS
PART 37: IMPACT: BLINDNESS (1/30/22)
“But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes” (1 Jn 2:11).
I had a period of time when I did not think much of my mother-in-law. I was in my late 20’s and my mother-in-law did things that aggravated me. I thought she was nosy and controlling. The more I thought about it, the more it annoyed me. In fact, it was getting to me.
Then one day, as I was brooding about it, it struck me. “Wait a minute! My mother-in-law is a very fine person and a very loving person. She serves people around her hand and foot. You shouldn’t have this attitude toward a fine person like that!”
So I changed my tune. I stopped focusing on what I did not like about her and I focused on her positive traits. My mother-in-law did not change. But my attitude changed and our relationship grew in healthy ways.
Bitterness blinds you to the truth. I had allowed resentment to creep in and to make me only see negative things. When I feel negatively about a person and think negative things about that person, it is like a pall that settles around me. That pall shades and dims my outlook, but it also blinds me to truths about myself and about others.
This dynamic of bitterness destroys marriages. If one spouse focuses on the faults of the other spouse instead of many positive traits, then resentment stirs. The spouse becomes blinded to the good traits – the reasons he or she married the person in the first place. If the resentment grows into bitterness, then look out! Many times bitterness destroys a marriage.
The truth is that I can find a fault in any person. We are all human. But I shouldn’t be blinded to the positive traits of that person, and I further shouldn’t be blinded to my own faults.
Thankfully, my bitterness did not grow into broken relationship with my mother-in-law and we had a close, loving, and fond relationship for many years.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Impacts: Bitterness stifles creativity.
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 38: BITTERNESS STIFLES CREATIVITY (2/1/22)
“Oh Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise” (Psa 51:15).
When my family visited the Prado Museum in Madrid, Spain in 2010, we saw many paintings by perhaps Spain’s greatest painter, Francisco Goya. His art was delightful and exquisite.
But as we progressed through the galleries, we began to see paintings from Goya’s black period. These paintings were dark and disturbing. Late in his life, Goya became disillusioned and resentful due to political, social, and personal developments. “Goya developed an embittered attitude toward mankind” (Source: Wikipedia).
Most of the “Black Paintings” during these bitter years had a chromatic range of only 5 dark colors – ochre, gold, brown, grey, and black. The subjects were bleak and even grotesque – paintings like Witches’ Sabbath and Saturn Devouring His Son. I can remember my shock at the bitterness which the Black Paintings conveyed.
Bitterness stifles creativity. A person who is bitter focuses on his or her feelings of hurt or resentment. There is an inordinate focus on those feelings which breeds a form of self absorption. When we become self absorbed, the exercise of our gifts (which are given by the Lord to help others) is impaired and our personal growth is stunted.
Creativity occurs when we look outside of ourselves and we push beyond existing boundaries. But it is hard for a person who is tied into knots by bitterness to look beyond and to be creative.
Creativity is a major source of joy! When we see or conceive something new and wonderful, it brings joy into our lives. Composing a poem or a piece of music; concocting a new dish; finding an imaginative way to repair a piece of equipment; or even writing a Facebook post – these creative activities are sources of joy. It is similar emotion to what I call “gift fulfillment.” When we have a gift and we are able to use that gift effectively to benefit other people, we experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.
So my encouragement is this: Don’t allow bitterness to hinder your creativity and to prevent you from the experience of creative joy.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. Impact: But wait a minute, can’t bitter people be creative?
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 39: THE CREATIVITY OF BITTERNESS (2/4/22)
“For wicked men are found among my people; they lurk like fowlers lying in wait. They set a trap; they catch men” (Jer 5:26).
In the last post, we discussed how bitterness can stifle creativity and rob us of joy. But wait a minute – can’t bitter people be creative in their bitterness? The answer is yes, but bitterness is still a destroyer.
Remember my friend, Guido, who went a little crazy at times? Guido had a girlfriend who lived in a 3rd floor apartment with an outdoor fire escape. Guido and his girl grew close and as they got to know each other better, she told Guido that she was deathly afraid of heights.
Eventually the girlfriend decided to end the relationship. This decision galled Guido. It nagged at him until bitterness welled up within him. The bitterness grew until Guido decided to take action.
Late one night, Guido’s girlfriend was awakened by pounding at her front door. Alarmed, she went to the door to check it what was happening. But when she tried the door, the door wouldn’t budge. Guido had nailed the door shut. As a result, Guido thought, with her fear of heights, his girlfriend would be compelled to use the 3rd floor fire escape to get out of her apartment – something that was terrifying to her.
So Guido laughed as he drove back home. He had destroyed the relationship with his girlfriend, but Guido didn’t seem to care.
A person can express bitterness in creative ways, just as a person can inflict revenge in creative ways (one example is the horrific story A Cask of Amontillado, by Edgar Allan Poe). So I concede that point. But bitterness does make a person self-absorbed and it blinds a person – particularly in the area of bitterness.
If bitterness arises from a relationship, then there is a lack of creativity and insight – particularly in the area of relationships.
If bitterness arises in the context of a job, then there is a lack of productivity and insight at work.
And if bitterness arises against a group, a race, or a gender, then there is a lack of creativity and understanding as to that group…jaded, cynical, and suspicious.
The bondage of bitterness imposes limitations and it warps perspective.
Like creativity, relationship is another source of joy. Think of a time that you made a special connection with another person – found a common bond, relived a shared experience, or laughed together until you almost cried. Then think of the joy you felt.
So bitterness can be demonstrated in creative ways, but at the same time, bitterness can fetter you and it can rob you of the joy of relationship. Don’t allow bitterness to rob you of the sources of joy that God intends!
As for Guido’s girlfriend? Well, she called the fire department and they were able to get her door open so she didn’t have to deal with the dreaded fire escape.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness. Healthy creativity.
(Surrender and Trust is a devotional that is formatted so you start it at any time during the year. To order the devotional, go to the Books tab on this website.)
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 40: HEALTHY CREATIVITY (2/6/22)
“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.
“Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?
“On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?” (Job 38:4-7).
“When the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy!”
Okay, so this verse is my favorite “creativity is a source of joy” verse. Creation itself prompted a cosmic concert and was celebrated with reverberating shouts of joy. After all, didn’t the Creator Himself continually proclaim that it was good? (Genesis 1)
Healthy creativity is life giving. Healthy creativity finds its source in the Creator and increases the flow of life giving Force through His Spirit. It helps a person to thrive and it increases faith, hope, and love.
God places a longing in His creation for a fullness – for a “revealing of the sons of God” (Rom. 8:19). Paul describes this fullness: “[C]reation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God” (Rom. 8:21).
So the joy expressed in creation itself is a foreshadowing of the celebration of freedom - the “freedom of glory of the children of God.” Creation speaks of the glory of God and we experience that glory of creation in some measure now. But God’s plan is to share His glory with His children. What a celebration to come!
Bitterness, however, is a part of the “bondage of corruption.” When creativity arises out of bitterness, it only leads to greater bondage. Many words and actions prompted by bitterness are attempts to soothe and placate bad feelings. But bitterness is a tough taskmaster. The attempts to soothe and to placate are a temporary “fix” at best, and they serve only to tighten the chains.
One exception is when we process bitterness in order to overcome it. Sometimes in order to identify and to overcome something, we need to express it and to sift through it. This context of “bitterness expression” is healthy IF it leads to healing and to freedom from bitterness.
So healthy creativity is life giving and liberating! Healthy creativity reflects the joy expressed in Creation itself. Like the original Creation, it is an expression of the glory of God. It leads to freedom and it points toward the glory of the children of God – both now and in the world to come.
Here is a key: Overcoming bitterness in your life is a key to glory. When you reject bitterness in your life and overcome it, you will experience the glory of God in fresh and life giving ways.
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness. Grounded.
