FREEDOM FROM BITTERNESS (Parts 91-100)
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 91: STEP THREE - A GIFT (6/19/22)
Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner."
And Jesus answering said to him, "Simon, I have something to say to you." And he answered, "Say it, Teacher."
"A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?"
Simon answered, "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt." And he said to him, "You have judged rightly."
Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little."
And he said to her, "Your sins are forgiven" (Lk 7:39-48).
Everett Worthington developed a five-step “REACH” method of forgiveness. Worthington used this method to forgive his mother’s killer.
· First, you “Recall” the incident, including all the hurt.
· “Empathize” with the person who wronged you.
· Then, you give them the “Altruistic gift” of forgiveness, maybe by recalling how good it felt to be forgiven by someone you yourself have wronged.
· Next, “Commit” yourself to forgive publicly by telling a friend or the person you’re forgiving.
· Finally, “Hold” onto forgiveness. Even when feelings of anger surface, remind yourself that you’ve already forgiven.
The third step of the REACH method of forgiveness is to give the gift of forgiveness. It is helpful to think of your forgiveness as a gift. It is something “Altruistic.”
The forgiveness is something that only you can give. Many offenses and many abuses go unacknowledged. You can’t make the person acknowledge what they have done. And you often can’t influence the person to express sorrow or remorse.
But you do hold the power to forgive or to withhold forgiveness. No one else can give it, and no one else can make you give it. The decision is entirely up to you.
Jesus taught that the person who is forgiven much, loves much. And the person who is forgiven little, loves little.
I think the extent of our willingness to forgive arises from the quality of our relationship with the Lord. If we truly understand the height, depth, and breadth of the forgiveness that God has given to us, then we are prone to forgive another. We are willing to “let it go” because of the great debt we have been forgiven. The person who lives with grace is willing to give grace.
If we are unwilling to forgive, then we probably need a greater understanding and realization of the grace we have received.
Am I Simon the Pharisee, or am I the weeping woman?
Jesus makes it clear that is God’s perspective on the matter. It boils down to our own realization of grace received. Freely ye have received, freely give (Mt 10:8b)(KJV).
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: Single-minded
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 92: STEP FOUR - SINGLE-MINDED
(6/24/22)
“…he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8).
Everett Worthington developed a five-step “REACH” method of forgiveness. Worthington used this method to forgive his mother’s killer.
· First, you “Recall” the incident, including all the hurt.
· “Empathize” with the person who wronged you.
· Then, you give them the “Altruistic gift” of forgiveness, maybe by recalling how good it felt to be forgiven by someone you yourself have wronged.
· Next, “Commit” yourself to forgive publicly by telling a friend or the person you’re forgiving.
· Finally, “Hold” onto forgiveness. Even when feelings of anger surface, remind yourself that you’ve already forgiven.
The 4th step of the REACH method of forgiveness is to “Commit” yourself to forgive by publicizing your commitment. Why does Worthington say to “Commit” to the forgiveness instead of “just do it?”
Forgiveness is an act of the will. My emotions and my instincts may resist forgiveness. But forgiveness, like many spiritual realities, occurs when I surrender my will to obey our Lord because I trust Him.
We often experience a type of disconnect between forgiveness and feeling. I may commit to forgive (which I call “transactional forgiveness”), but emotions and feelings contrary to that forgiveness can linger for years – particularly if I have suffered deep wounds or horrible abuse. When something triggers these feelings and they come roaring to the surface, I may waver in my resolve to forgive. It is not unusual for a person to go back and forth about it – almost double-minded, as it were.
But a public commitment to forgive can help me hold onto it. The public commitment is a form of accountability. It keeps me from wavering.
And if I remain steadfast in the commitment to forgive, my emotions and hurts normally conform to my commitment over time (which I call “emotional forgiveness”). Healing may take time. But forgiveness is necessary for that healing to occur.
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: Accountability
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 93: ACCOUNTABILITY RELATIONSHIPS (6/26/22)
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.
For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! (Ecc 4:9-10)
The 4th step of the REACH method of forgiveness is to “Commit” to forgive by forgiving publicly. You imprint or “seal” the forgiveness by a public statement of forgiveness.
Participants in our yearlong urban ministry Residency know that I am a big proponent of accountability relationships. We all need accountability partners. An accountability relationship is an intentional relationship maintained by frequent and consistent meetings in which both persons share their hearts, minds and lives for the purpose of support, prayer, correction, and growth. Every sincere follower of Jesus should have accountability relationships. “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov 18:24).
I am actually amazed at how few followers of Jesus have relationships of accountability. But I also understand the paucity because accountability relationships require time, vulnerability, and submission. A person engages in relationships of accountability with regular, intentional interactions.
1. In these relationships, vulnerability and openness are practiced, because we all are broken. We expose our hearts to heal them. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed” (Jm 5:16-20). Confession and pronounced forgiveness are part of an accountability relationship.
2. An accountability relationship is rare because it requires trust in order to share personal struggles. Trust has to be developed over time in order to encourage depth. We need to know that our confidences are not being betrayed. As my friend once told me “You can’t drive a 20 ton truck of accountability over a 5 ton bridge of relationship.”
3. Another cost is time. The relationship must be maintained by meeting regularly – weekly, if possible, but no less frequently than every 2 weeks. The relationship requires time together. We develop close relationships in times of joy, so that they can sustain us in times of crisis. “A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov 17:17).
4. An accountability relationship bestows advice, guidance, correction, and support. You need to know that the other person loves you. If there is an awareness of love, then correction can be received. You know that correction is being performed to help you, not to wound you. When I disciplined my children, I tried to always tell them I loved them and then hugged them afterwards.
It is in the context of such a relationship that you can meaningfully take the 4th REACH step and pronounce your forgiveness of a third party. Then, your accountability partner can support you in your commitment to forgive and can help you see it through to completion.
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: The Moment of Truth
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 94: THE MOMENT OF TRUTH (7/1/22)
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony (Col 3:12-14).
“As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
In her book, The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom tells of her ministry of forgiveness after the Holocaust. Her family hid persecuted Jews from the Nazis, but were discovered and arrested. Her beloved father died. She and her sister were sent to a concentration camp where her sister died. Yet after the war, Ms. Ten Boom preached a message of forgiveness as she established a home to aid needy families.
Ms. Ten Boom spoke at a meeting in Munich. After the meeting, she was approached by a man she recognized as one of the most brutal Nazi guards at Ravensbruck where her sister had perished. The guard told her he had become a Christian. As he held out his hand to her, he thanked her for her message of forgiveness. She froze and kept her hand at her side.
“I tried to smile. I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity.” [From The Hiding Place, pp. 247-248 (Chosen 2006)]
The horror and atrocities of the Holocaust were unfathomable. They were motivated by ethnic, racial, and political hatred. Although she suffered great personal pain and loss from them, Corrie Ten Boom wanted her culture to be healed. She tried to bring healing to post war Europe through the message of the cross – a message of forgiveness and of redemption.
Yet while preaching her message, Ms. Ten Boom came face to face with the evil perpetrated upon her. She had been preaching and practicing forgiveness. But the reality of the evil overwhelmed her when it was personified. Ms. Ten Boom faced a moment of truth.
We all have moments of truth when we face a reminder of the pain and offense inflicted upon us. A moment of truth shows what is actually inside of us. It discloses inner reality. At a moment of truth, we may feel something we have not felt for years. But a reminiscent action, sound, or environment can trigger the feelings that we still carry within.
For example, a person who was verbally abused by a parent as a child may now be an adult. The horrible feelings from the abuse have not been felt for 20 years. But that person experiences a situation in which another person screams at them. All of a sudden – seemingly out of nowhere, feelings of pain and of terror surge to the surface. The person is overwhelmed. That person faces a moment of truth of what is still within.
Ms. Ten Boom experienced a moment of truth. What would Ms. Ten Boom do? How could she face the feelings of pain, terror, and loss? How could she find it in her heart to forgive such atrocity?
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: Step 5 - Emotions
[The story in this post is in Surrender and Trust – Book Two, Section III, Week Eleven (Power of Forgiveness), Day 6. For more information on the devotional, go to the Books tab.]
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 95: REACH STEP 5 - EMOTIONS
(7/3/22)
And Jesus said to him, "'If you can'! All things are possible for one who believes."
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mk 9:23-24)
Everett Worthington developed a five-step “REACH” method of forgiveness. Worthington used this method to forgive his mother’s killer.
· First, you “Recall” the incident, including all the hurt.
· “Empathize” with the person who wronged you.
· Then, you give them the “Altruistic gift” of forgiveness, maybe by recalling how good it felt to be forgiven by someone you yourself have wronged.
· Next, “Commit” yourself to forgive publicly by telling a friend or the person you’re forgiving.
· Finally, “Hold” onto forgiveness. Even when feelings of anger surface, remind yourself that you’ve already forgiven.
In my last post, I told the story of Corrie Ten Boom. She was a concentration camp survivor who preached a message of forgiveness all over Europe after World War II.
Ms. Ten Boom spoke at a meeting in Munich. After the meeting, she was approached by a man she recognized as one of the most brutal Nazi guards at Ravensbruck where her sister had perished. The guard told her he had become a Christian. As he held out his hand to her, he thanked her for her message of forgiveness. She froze and kept her hand at her side.
“I tried to smile. I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give your forgiveness.
“As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand, a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.” [From The Hiding Place, pp. 247-248 (Chosen 2006)]
The 5th and final step of the REACH method of forgiveness is to “Hold” onto forgiveness. Even when feelings of anger surface, remind yourself that you have already forgiven and stick with it.
Forgiveness often takes time. Forgiveness is a process and not just a transaction. We must “hold” onto it. Transactional forgiveness occurs when you commit to forgive. Transactional forgiveness is important because it is an act of the will. But it is only the first step. It may take a lot of time for emotional forgiveness to occur as we hold onto the forgiveness and don’t waver. Our inner healing can take years.
Corrie Ten Boom committed to forgive all. She was traveling over Europe and preaching forgiveness. But when she faced a moment of truth in the person of a brutal concentration camp guard, she realized she still had feelings of pain, terror, and grief within.
But she “held” onto the forgiveness (literally) by taking the hand of the Nazi guard. And God gave her the grace to forgive out of His deep love from which forgiveness flows.
But note Corrie’s prayer. Corrie did not have the ability to forgive the guard out of her own will power. She simply did not have it in her heart to forgive him.
Corrie did what we all should do when we face something that is too hard for us. Corrie prayed to the Lord in her weakness, and she asked the Lord to do it because she could not. “Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give Your forgiveness.”
And the Lord gave her His grace – deep, abiding, and healing grace.
Meditation: Write a letter about a wound or abuse that you have suffered. The letter is addressed to the person that hurt you. It can be a hurt that is past or present. Describe your feelings of hurt in what you write. Tell the person what you want to tell them. Then ask the Lord for His forgiveness for that person.
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: The Great Shuffle
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 96: THE GREAT SHUFFLE (7/8/22)
In Charlotte, we have a problem. I call it “The Great Shuffle.” For over a century, Charlotte has been known as “the city of churches.” But a pattern emerged with members of the churches in Charlotte. Many members have engaged in what I call “church hopping.” A member would experience some type of offense at church. It could be something relatively minor:
· a personality conflict with another member;
· disagreement with a committee decision;
· didn’t like the new style of the worship;
· didn’t like the delivery of the pastor; or
· the church didn’t focus on children sufficiently.
In summary, the church didn’t suit the member just right. So the member left to find another church. After all, Charlotte is the city of churches and has many choices.
Often, the member’s new church had a “hot” charismatic pastor who was a great speaker. But after a little while, something distasteful would happen at the new church. The member would experience another offense and then move elsewhere.
Because of “church hopping,” growth of a church in Charlotte did not necessarily mean that people were coming to faith. Explosive growth more likely meant that the church was attracting members of other churches. It was The Great Shuffle, which meant that churches were subconsciously, or even consciously, competing with each other for members. Extraordinary steps were taken to be entertaining, appealing, and in vogue.
There are many problems with The Great Shuffle – not the least of which is that the essential focus was on attracting members from any source, including from other churches, instead of proclamation to the lost and ministry to the oppressed.
But the core of the problem usually began with offense. The offense was not normally addressed in the old church – the member left without accountability. And the offense was not normally addressed in the new church. The new church was just happy to have a new member. So the offenses remained in the lives of church members in Charlotte. And the offenses were a corrosive acid that ate into the fabric of church life in Charlotte.
For the member, the offense was normally justified by judgment. If we mentally and emotionally judge another person, then the offense and broken relationship are justified. So the member judged the style of the pastor, or the committee with whom the member disagreed, or the “wrong” style of worship, or a fellow church member, or the youth pastor, and then the member left – fully justified.
How do we justify our offense, feelings of great dislike, resentment, or bitterness against another person? Judgment.
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: My gift of judgment
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 97: MY GIFT OF JUDGMENT (7/10/22)
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load. Let the one who is taught the word share all good things with the one who teaches. Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap (Gal 6:1-7).
I have a special gift. I can’t truthfully claim a gift of gentleness, but this gift is almost as good. And I call it a special gift because it comes so naturally to me and it seems that I have always possessed it. My keen insight, discernment, and wisdom combine to contribute to my gift. I call it my “gift of judgment.”
My gift of judgment allows me to look into the lives of others and to discern how they are wrong. The gift goes deeper than just actions although I pretty handily judge their actions. My gift of judgment discerns thoughts, motivations, and evil intent. Because it is a gift, my gift of judgment is not reserved just for people that I know well. I can readily exercise the gift on people that I don’t know well, or even people that I don’t know at all, but who look untrustworthy or suspicious.
It sometimes strikes me as peculiar how I often bestow this gift on people that I don’t like or who have different opinions than I have. That seems to stir the gift up within me. I haven’t yet found this gift in lists of the fruit of the spirit or of spiritual gifts, but I am still hopeful that others around me will confirm the gift of judgment within me.
The “gift of judgment” has many causes and takes many forms. Paul seems to be familiar with it. In this beautiful passage in Galatians about a spirit of gentleness and bearing one another’s burdens, Paul gives as much caution as encouragement. It is as if Paul says approach faults of others “gently, carefully, delicately, circumspectly, and lovingly.”
Another theme in this passage is that each person needs to look to his own garden. I have so many weeds in my garden that I really don’t need to be criticizing my neighbor’s garden. It is beneficial to remember that my own garden will be judged in the same way that I judge the gardens of others. Meme (my grandmother) told us: “I used to search for the perfect church. Then one day I realized that even if I found the perfect church that the day I joined it, the church would become imperfect. So I stopped searching for the perfect church.”
Meditation: Judgment is expressed not only through words but through attitude. Reread the scripture above. Meditate on the tension between the gift of judgment and loving others. How does judgment impact loving others as yourself? How does judgment impact an offense that you have felt against another person?
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: The danger of judgment
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 98: THE DANGER OF JUDGMENT (07/15/22)
Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. (Matt 7:1-5)
O God, help me to see more and more seriously, this matter of being at one with You AND with all those You have bought with Your blood, all those who are Your children through receiving Your salvation—whether I agree with them or not, whether they do me wrong, do wrong, etc. or not.
Help me to see how wrong I am at times and how much I, as well, need Your grace and mercy from them and from You! Help me to humble myself, to lay aside all my pride and walk in deep humility with my brethren!! O God, I need Your grace, strength, truth and guidance, power, and wisdom here!! Be with me, Lord!! -Pastor Daniel Martin, 6/17/12
This teaching is a reality check from Jesus. In this kingdom lesson about judgment, Jesus teaches a couple of basic principles.
The first principle is that I am deceived. Subject to deception because of my pride and fleshly desires, I don’t comprehend my own sinfulness. I know this principle to be true for me because, in His mercy, God has revealed my faults and foibles to me over many years. How blind I am to my own failings!
And He continues to reveal those failings as I spend time with Him. I am so thankful He does not reveal them all at once. That would be overwhelming to me. He patiently works at a pace that I can sustain – first revealing one faulty area to change and then, when I am ready, another.
The second principle is that my most confident judgments occur because I suffer from the same fault that I am judging. I see the fault because I am personally familiar with it. My judgment of my brother only underscores my own guilt. Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things (Rom 2:1). So my judgment of another serves to heap further condemnation on myself.
Both of these principles are relevant to the area of offense. So much of our offense arises because of our own sinfulness and self deception. When we experience offense, we should heed this teaching of Jesus. When an offense occurs between two people, one of the two persons is faultless in the matter…almost never! When we experience offense, our immediate response should ask the Lord to remove the log from our eye instead of focusing on the speck in the eye of another.
Meditation: Consider the principle that judging another is actually judging your own self. What does this principle mean to you? Why is this principle true?
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: The condemnation of judgment
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 99: THE CONDEMNATION OF JUDGMENT (7/17/22)
Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?"
This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.
But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord."
And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more" (John 8:2-11).
O the glory of Your Love, Desire, Acceptance, and Delight in me.
O, this child feeds (and needs to feed more) on Your great attitudes and “take” on my life! Your thoughts toward me are so life-giving, so full of grace, mercy, care, compassion, and love—seeing beyond my faults to my needs, overlooking faults and rushing in to meet needs—all so You can draw me closer to Yourself, so that You can begin dealing with the faults, lovingly and tenderly letting Your love over time wash them out of my life!
O the power of Your love as manifested by Your PATIENCE!! Your patience with me is so overwhelming, so consistent over long stretches of time. You continue to be patient with me, while at the same time overlooking the foul smell of my attitudes, actions, words—and especially Motives! O thank You for Your great mercy, forgiveness, and PATIENCE toward me!
I now see where the one place You may tend to “lose patience with me” is where I lose patience with others—especially Carolyn [his wife]—after You have been so patient with me! Help me here, Lord!! Come and help me to be as patient, as forgiving toward all, as You have been and are toward me! –Pastor Daniel Martin, 12/9/11
This story starts with a “gotcha” moment by the scribes and Pharisees. They picked the temple as the scene of the test. And they felt so confident of the trap that they continued to press for an answer after they had presented the woman and her plight to Jesus.
The Pharisees focused on the woman’s standing under the law. The law judged her and it ministered judgment and condemnation. That is what the law does.
The Pharisees were correct on this point. The law did judge and condemn her. So the Pharisees were offended at her. And they used this offense and judgment to promote their own “righteousness.”
One almost feels apprehensive for Jesus and for His response. Art Katz was Jewish, but one day he found himself reading this story. When he read the question that the Pharisees asked Jesus, he stopped and put the book down. As a practicing Jew, he understood the implications of “the question.” Jesus was trapped. Mr. Katz could not imagine a good answer.
So how would Jesus answer? Jesus simply pointed out that every person in the crowd stood judged and condemned by the law. To possess AUTHORITY to pass righteous judgment, a person needed perfection under the law…and none of the Pharisees could claim perfection.
Slowly the implication of Jesus’ response dawned on the Pharisees. One by one, they skulked away as Jesus confronted and exposed their false sense of righteousness.
So what did the only Person in the story who did possess perfection, and thus had the authority to pass judgment, do? Jesus ministered patience and grace to the fallen woman. Only the grace of God preserves me from judgment. God is so patient with me.
When Art Katz picked up his book again and read Jesus’ answer, he was amazed. Jesus’ answer was a revelation of grace. Mr. Katz immediately decided to follow Jesus and received Him into his heart.
When I exercise my gift of judgment, I minister condemnation. But I desire patience and grace from God for myself. So am I going to minister judgment and condemnation to another person, or am I going to minister patience and grace?
This question is an important one. My choice determines the judgment or grace that I receive in turn.
Meditation: “Love is patient.” Give thanks to the Lord for His patience toward you. Meditate on the numerous ways that He has been patient with you. Write in your journal how you have benefited from the Lord’s patience. Then write in your journal how you want the Lord to show patience to you in the future.
Next, write in your journal how you plan to show patience and grace to other persons in the future, especially persons who have offended you.
Next post: Walking in freedom – bitterness: Reconciliation is a source of joy
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 100: RECONCILIATION IS A SOURCE OF JOY (7/24/22)
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
“But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.
Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.'
But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, 'Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!'
“And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found'” (Luke 15:20-32).
“By our own attitudes we may determine our reception by Him. Though the kindness of God is an infinite, overflowing fountain of cordiality, God will not force His attention upon us. If we would be welcomed as the Prodigal was, we must come as the Prodigal came; and when we so come, even though the Pharisees and the legalists sulk without, there will be a feast of welcome within, and music and dancing as the Father takes his child again to His heart.” (From The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer)
This story is the second part of the parable of the prodigal son. The prodigal son came to his senses, returned home, and confessed his sin to his father. The father received him with open arms, rejoiced in his return, and celebrated the restoration of relationship. The parable could have ended there and been a beautiful illustration of the love of God toward even the most wayward sinner.
But the parable of the prodigal son continues with the story of the elder brother. He believes what the younger brother did – he “devoured the father’s property with prostitutes” - was shameful. Rather than being celebrated, the younger brother should be shamed, judged, and condemned.
Dr. Curt Thompson says that to be fully known and to be fully loved leads to absolute joy! We can’t be loved fully without being fully known. Shame, however, makes me think that if I am known that I won’t be loved.
But the love of the Father assures me that I can be fully known – fully vulnerable – and still be fully loved. Confession, like the confession of the prodigal son, leads to being fully known. Then love can be shared, and can bring joy.
The elder son sees himself as righteous and is not fully known as a result. He does not even truly see himself. His self-righteous heart renders him unable to participate in the joy of restoration of relationship.
But the father and the prodigal son are experiencing utter joy – the joy of reconciliation. Reconciliation of broken relationship is a Source of Joy!
Meditation: Think of a time that a relationship you had was threatened, or even broken, but then restored. What words or actions led to restoration? Journal about the joy that you experienced as a result of the restoration.
Next, journal about the heart of God. How is the heart of God expressed in reconciliation and in this story?
