FREEDOM FROM BITTERNESS (Parts 1-10)
WALKING IN FREEDOM - BITTERNESS
PART 1: THE TRUST VAULT (11/7/21)
“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock” (Isa. 26:4)
When my children were young, I used to ask them “How much do I love you?” Then I would open my arms wide and hold my hands as far apart as I could and say “THIS MUCH!”
After doing this 2 or 3 times, when I asked my child “How much do I love you?”, then my child would hold her hands wide apart in response. There is something pretty endearing about a 2 year old daughter sitting on your lap with her arms wide open! I would then say “THIS MUCH!” as I opened my arms and followed it with a big hug.
There is a variation of that question that I ask when I feel under stress, under anxiety, or a little overwhelmed. In that situation, I turn to the Lord and I ask “How much do I TRUST You?” After I ask that question, then I usually imagine a large box – like a large vault – of trust. It is my “trust vault.”
“How much do I trust You?” You see, God is pretty big. He is also pretty powerful and pretty good in just about everything. So the question “How much do I trust You?” should be followed by “THIS MUCH!” with my arms wide open. The trust vault is a pretty large vault since God is a pretty big God. I dig into the trust vault when I need encouragement.
“How much do I trust You?” Maybe when I ask that question, then God opens His arms wide apart as well. Sometimes I try to imagine Him spreading His arms apart, but it is hard for me to see that far.
Next post: My life with Bill – Application of the TTD template.
WALKING IN FREEDOM - BITTERNESS
PART 2: MY LIFE WITH BILL – PART I (11/9/21)
“When something doesn’t agree, remember to TTD!”
Here is an example of TTD application that Steve Parker gives us from his life (from Appendix C of Surrender and Trust – Book Two):
MY LIFE WITH BILL
Part of my testimony is how God changed my life while I was in prison on drug-related offenses. I was locked up for a little over a year, and the whole experience was like a custom-designed school of the Spirit. God taught me SO much during that year. A lot of it is what resulted in understanding the power of applying this template to the events of my life.
One of the experiences that really drove this home for me was a situation I faced with a fellow inmate named Bill. That’s not his real name, but he represents a real person. In this prison, I was in what was called a dormitory, but it was really just a huge building with long rows of bunk beds. I had a bunk about half-way down one of those rows, and Bill was in the bunk right next to me. Bill had been in prison about 20 years and had originally been incarcerated for murder. He was also about twice my size. So Bill was a little scary. And Bill didn’t care for me at all. He didn’t like me; he didn’t like my religion. And he let me know this quite frequently.
Bill worked in the laundry, so he was usually up before everybody else. And sometimes he would grab hold of my bunk and just jerk it to wake me up. That gives you an idea of the kind of relationship we had.
This irritation went on for a while, and I got really tired of it. And so I started praying and asking God to do something about it. And being the deeply spiritual person that I was, I asked God if he would just maybe kill Bill. It sounds ridiculous now, but that’s a sign of the anger and hurt that I was carrying deep inside of me. I was so angry at Bill that it would have pleased me to see him die. Well, as you might have guessed, God didn’t kill him. He did something much better.
You know, most people have things that happen in their life that are stuck in their memory forever because they have such an impact. What I’m getting ready to tell you about is one of those things. One day I was walking from the restroom to my bunk. And I was about half-way there when all of a sudden I heard a voice in my head go, “You know, you could try forgiving and loving Bill!”
I froze in my tracks and it felt like water was rushing all over my body. It was amazing - the power of the moment. And it was as if a switch had been flipped in my brain and I said to myself, “Oh! I’m supposed to be loving Bill!” So from that time on, I changed my attitude toward Bill. It was at this point that I started applying the TTD template.
T: Give THANKS to God in your circumstance.
T: Ask God “What are you trying to TEACH me?
D: Ask God “What do you want me to DO?
Next post: What happened when Steve applied the TTD template.
[Steve Parker is the President of Fochus Ministries (http://www.fochus.org). You can email him at steve.parker@fochus.org]
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 3: MY LIFE WITH BILL - PART II (11/12/21)
“When something doesn’t agree, remember to TTD!”
In the last post, Steve Parker shared about how his fellow prison inmate, Bill, aggravated the fire out of him. Here is “My life with Bill” (continued) from Steve Parker in Appendix C of Surrender and Trust – Book Two:
Step 1: (T) Give God THANKS. I started praying for Bill on a regular basis, and most importantly, I started thanking God for my experience with Bill. I thanked Him for putting me in the bunk next to Bill. I thanked him for Bill’s life. As I did this every day, the part of my heart where the hatred and anger towards Bill resided began to change. The darkness that lived there began to be replaced with the light of God. I was now in a position to hear from God what I was supposed to be learning in this situation.
Step 2: (T) Ask God what He’s trying to TEACH me. The more thankful I became, the more I could see God’s love for Bill. I began to truly understand how God’s love for a person was based on God’s nature, not on how much I cared for the person! That may sound silly, but I believe it is common for people to ascribe value to others based on their view of that person. I was beginning to see how much God loved everyone, including Bill. I also saw more clearly how God could take the hard things in my life and turn them into a blessing. Before I started praying for Bill, I harbored murderous intent in my heart toward him, all the while professing the name of Jesus. I now saw how limited my understanding of Jesus’ character was, and became willing to let Him change me.
Step 3: (D) Ask God what He wants me to DO. As I continued to be thankful for Bill and pray for God’s wisdom, I began to ask God if there was anything I needed to do. There was! I was fortunate enough to have family who was sending me money each week, so I was able to buy candy at the prison canteen. Candy is a big deal in prison. A lot of inmates don’t have the resources to buy these “luxuries.” God showed me to begin offering to share my candy with Bill.
Now at first, he was suspicious, but slowly things began to change between us. I wouldn’t say we became friends, but we developed a respect for one another. And he even began asking me to pray for some of the things that were going on in his life.
Now I don’t know how Bill was impacted in the long run. I would love to say that he ended up giving his life to Christ, but I don’t know. But what I do know is that I was changed! A dark place in my heart that harbored evil was transformed into a place where the spirit of God lived. And I came to know Christ in a much deeper way. And not only that, but the people around me saw that change. They saw the different way I was responding to Bill, and they saw the change in our relationship, and the change in me. God was glorified through this experience. People could see clearly how powerful He is, and how good He is. And all of this happened because I remembered to TTD.
T: Give THANKS to God in your circumstance.
T: Ask God “What are you trying to TEACH me?
D: Ask God “What do you want me to DO?
Next post: The rest of the story about David at Ziklag.
[Steve Parker is the Founder and President of Fochus Ministries (http://www.fochus.org). You can email him at steve.parker@fochus.org]
WALKING IN FREEDOM - BITTERNESS
PART 4: BETTER THAN FEDEX – PART I (11/14/21)
“And I took the crown that was on his head and the armlet that was on his arm, and I have brought them here to my lord” (2 Sam. 1:10b)
We previously discussed the story of David at Ziklag. David and his men experienced calamity and they hit bottom. But David refused to be bitter about the disaster and instead sought the Lord. In obedience to the word from God, David pursued the Amalekites. He pursued and recovered everything.
But then David did…nothing. David waited. The Lord did not direct David to act further, so David waited for the Lord to act on his behalf. “David remained in Ziklag for two days” (2 Sam. 1:1). Here is the rest of the story:
David pursued and recovered all from the Amalekites. But David’s story did not end there. While David was fighting the Amalekites, he was not aware of the results of another battle that was occurring - a battle in which Saul and three of his sons died. The day after the battle, the Philistines found Saul’s body and stripped him of his weapons (1 Sam. 31:8-9). But someone else had got there first.
A little while later, a messenger came running to David in Ziklag. The messenger told David of the death of Saul. Then he presented David with a gift. Three days after David lost everything he had, a stranger handed him the crown and bracelet of Saul - the emblems of kingship of Israel (2 Sam. 1:10). [From The Call – Book Two (Progressive Fivefold Function), p. 157]
David waited on the Lord. On the third day of waiting, a stranger came and he delivered to David the crown of Israel.
It was a personal delivery service! David did not order it. He did not steal it. He did not do anything to take the crown for himself or to seize it. It just showed up.
God ordained David’s kingship and then He orchestrated the coronation. One moment David and his men are in deep despair and David’s men want to kill David. Three days later, the crown of Israel is hand delivered to David – personal delivery and free of charge. That is the God that we serve! That is just Who He is and what He does!
(Hmm! Seems like there is something pretty redemptive about that third day…)
Next post: Just in case we missed it - one more divine twist.
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 5:
BETTER THAN FEDEX – PART II (11/16/21)
“And David said to the young man who told him, ‘Where do you come from?’ And he answered, ‘I am the son of a sojourner, an Amalekite.’” (2 Sam. 1:13)
In the last post, as David was waiting in Ziklag, a stranger delivered the crown of Israel to David personally. It was a remarkable delivery. But there was another twist to the story.
A little while later, a messenger came running to David in Ziklag. The messenger told David of the death of Saul. Then he presented David with a gift. Three days after David lost everything he had, a stranger handed him the crown and bracelet of Saul - the emblems of kingship of Israel (2 Sam. 1:10).
We don’t know the name of the messenger. David asked who he was. But the messenger only gave his identity.
The messenger said “I am an Amalekite” (2 Sam. 1:8). [From The Call – Book Two (Progressive Fivefold Function), p. 157]
Wait a second! Did you catch that? The story at Ziklag began in agony and despair because a band of Amalekites had raided Ziklag, plundered the homes of David and his men, and kidnapped their wives and children.
So as the story of David at Ziklag reaches its climax, the crown of Israel is being delivered to David personally. But it wasn’t FedEx making the delivery. The crown of Israel was personally delivered to David – by his own enemy! God orchestrated events so that an Amalekite, whose people had raided and plundered David’s family and possessions, ultimately delivered the crown of Israel to David.
What kind of God is this Who acts so emphatically on His beloved’s behalf?
Next post: Walking in freedom - bitterness.
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS 11/19/21
PART 6:
REFUSE OFFENSE. REJECT BITTERNESS.
“For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.
“When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Pet. 2:21-23)
Don’t miss a major take away from MY LIFE WITH BILL, the prior posts about Steve Parker and his prison cell mate, Bill. Steve initially took offense at Bill and Bill’s mean behavior toward him. Steve could have allowed bitterness to enter his life and that would have been very detrimental to Steve. But Steve ultimately chose not to be bitter, and instead, to love Bill. The decision not to allow bitterness to enter Steve’s heart enabled Steve to minister to Bill and to encourage reconciliation. That decision also empowered Steve to move into the powerful ministry to the Montagnard people that Steve and Susanne Parker now have.
Don’t miss a major take away from the story about David at Ziklag. David could have taken offense against his men who threatened to stone him. He could have walked away and abandoned them. But he did not allow bitterness to enter his heart. Instead, he turned to God and kept his relationship with his men intact. David’s reaction stands in stark contrast to the bitterness of his men. If David had taken offense and allowed bitterness to overtake him, he would have missed the redemptive plans and purposes of God in his life.
Don’t miss a major take away about the story of David’s “drop outs.” David could have taken offense and been bitter against the 200 men who grew weary and dropped out of the pursuit. He could have judged them and cut them off (like his other men wanted to do). But David did not take offense and allow bitterness to enter his heart. He restored the 200 men to his group and insured that they shared in the spoils of the chase. What beautiful grace David understood!
If we want to fulfill the destiny that God has for us, we cannot take offense and allow bitterness to enter our heart and to hinder us. We must be hard to offend and we must REJECT bitterness - if for no other reason, because bitterness hinders us from realizing fullness in Christ – the Christ Who Himself refused offense and rejected bitterness when He suffered horrible injustice at the hands of His government, His own people, and even His close friends.
Refuse offense. Reject bitterness.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness: Devastation
WALKING IN FREEDOM – BITTERNESS
PART 7:
DEVASTATION (
11/21/21)
If you are wise, you are wise for yourself; if you scoff, you alone will bear it (Prov. 9:12)
When my wife and I went to conference in Seattle, a friend told me that Mount St. Helens was an amazing place to visit. My friend said:
“Before Mount St. Helens erupted, the mountain and surrounding area were covered by huge, beautiful trees and lush, evergreen forests. It was one of the most enchanting areas in the Pacific Northwest.
“But when the volcano blew, its destructive force was horrific. Within minutes, those trees were mowed down like matchsticks by the force of the wind it created. The volcanic ash covered the area like a desert. When you see it now, it looks like a wasteland. You just can’t believe the vastness of devastation until you see it for yourself.”
The eruption of Mount St. Helens killed 57 people. It destroyed 200 homes, 47 bridges, and 185 miles of highway (Source: Wikipedia). Within hours, thriving forests became a deserted wasteland.
Bitterness has a destructive impact on our lives. Bitterness can damage families, churches, tribes, or even nations. But today we only focus on the impact of bitterness on the individual. Here are some of the emotional impacts of bitterness if we allow bitterness to enter into our hearts and if we live in it:
Loneliness, isolation, negativity, depression, anxiety, shame, fear, destructive behaviors, distrust, pride, and substance abuse.
These impacts are painful and heart-rending. For the person impacted by bitterness, it is a wasteland emotionally and spiritually. Bitterness has a devastating effect.
There is a progression that leads to bitterness that we will explore in later posts. But today we identify the dangers of bitterness so we can work to avoid it in our lives and in the lives of people around us. Living in freedom from bitterness can be the difference between freedom and bondage…the difference between thriving and loneliness.
Next post: Walking in freedom - Bitterness destroys relationship
WALKING IN FREEDOM - BITTERNESS
PART 8:
BITTERNESS DESTROYS RELATIONSHIP (11/23/21)
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
“Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:17-21)
My friend, Guido, went a little crazy at times. Guido was a skilled carpenter and he built a front porch for a friend. But Guido became convinced that the friend had cheated him on payment. Bitterness about being “cheated” grew in Guido’s heart until he decided to take action.
Guido staked out the friend’s neighborhood until the friend wasn’t at home. Then Guido took his chainsaw and cut down all of the beams that supported the porch. The porch roof collapsed onto the deck.
Then Guido left a note for his (now former) friend. It read, “I USED TO HAVE MONEY AND I USED TO HAVE FRIENDS. NOW, I DON’T HAVE EITHER.”
In my last post, we explored some of the negative impacts of bitterness – impacts like loneliness, depression, shame, distrust, and substance abuse. Many of these moods and disorders occur due to loss of relationship.
BITTERNESS DESTROYS RELATIONSHIP. People that live in bitterness tend not to have many close relationships. There is a progression. Resentment leads to bitterness; and bitterness cuts off relationship. We shun those against whom we hold bitterness and cut them out of our lives.
There is good news! Followers of Jesus have been given a ministry. It is the ministry of reconciliation. God has given a message of reconciliation to His followers. Spreading this message, they become ambassadors to other persons on behalf of Christ – seeking reconciliation of people to God and to one another.
But there is a problem: It is hard to carry a message of reconciliation when you live with broken relationships. And it is hard not to have broken relationships when you live in bitterness.
So we have a choice: bitterness or the ministry of reconciliation.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness: Flood waters.
WALKING IN FREEDOM - BITTERNESS
PART 9:
BITTERNESS DESTROYS RELATIONSHIP
(11/26/21)
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
“Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:17-21)
In the last post, I discussed how God has assigned to His followers the ministry of reconciliation. God wants His people to serve as a bridge – a bridge of reconciliation between God and other people.
But there is a problem: Bitterness in our lives destroys relationship. When I harbor bitterness and then I see the person who has hurt me, offended me, or “done me wrong,” the feelings of bitterness in my heart surge to the surface like a flood. In fact, when I even think of that person, it makes my blood boil.
That is why it is hard to attend a church when you have bitterness toward the pastor. Every Sunday you see that person up front. Those negative feelings surge within you.
Many people are bitter toward political leaders or other persons in authority. Every time they see that leader in the news, the rage mounts. I actually feel sorry for televisions. Televisions get screamed at a lot.
This picture is a bridge that is on Highway 197 in front of Mary Beth’s family farm. The Cane River runs underneath it. It is hard to believe that this gentle stream flowing off the side of Mount Mitchell could wash this bridge away. But in August, the flood waters from Hurricane Fred became a raging torrent and did just that.
So the bridge became impassable. The people who lived on the other side could not get across the river. Connection was lost.
So here is the question: How can we be a bridge of reconciliation to another person when the flood waters of bitterness in our life have washed out the relationship?
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness: Re-connection after the flood.
WALKING IN FREEDOM - BITTERNESS
PART 10: RE-CONNECTION AFTER THE FLOOD (11/28/21)
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:18)
In our last post, we described how flood waters washed out the bridge on Highway 197 in the Pensacola community. The many families who lived across the river were cut off. Connection was lost – just as the flood waters of bitterness can cut off relationships in our lives.
But something good happened after the flood. Mary Beth’s family on one side and the neighbor across the river, Ronald Fox, donated an easement to NC DOT. NC DOT built a temporary road on each side of the river across the Wilson land and the Fox land. Then it built a temporary bridge across the Cane River downstream from the washed out bridge so families could cross the river.
There was a man who lived across the river who was upset that a bear dog chased a bear crossed his land. He drove up to the bear hunting clubhouse to give the bear hunters a piece of his mind. The hunters tried to explain they could not control where the bear went. They also pointed out that the man’s property was a fair number of miles from where the dog was released.
But the man was pretty unhappy.
Ronald Fox walked up to the group and introduced himself. The man paused and then said “You’re Ronald Fox?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Well, I want to shake your hand. I’ve been meaning to thank you. I live across the river and I want to thank you for donating land for that temporary bridge. Now I can get across the river.”
Anger subsided, the tension eased, and a much more productive discussion ensued.
We can’t control what other people do. We may not be able to live peaceably with all people, but we can control our own thoughts, feelings, and words, and we can control our attitude toward other people.
We are not going to agree with everyone we meet. We may disagree politically, theologically, or just about life in general. But we can refrain from bitterness about the areas of disagreement. We can disagree agreeably. I have a number of persons close to me that are at the opposite end of the spectrum about politics or other views. But I still love them deeply and try not to allow disagreement to harm that love.
We will have personality conflicts. Some personality types do not get along with other personality types. They mix like oil and vinegar. But people are different and should be who they are. In those situations, don’t resent it and reject the person. Just recognize the differences and maintain relationship that you can. Live peaceably and realize that many times a different personality comes with different gifts that you really need since your personality does not have those gifts.
In those situations, you may not be able to build an A#1, first class DOT bridge of relationship. But you don’t need to destroy the bridge. You can still build a temporary bridge – a bridge that still works and that still maintains connection.
Next post: Walking in freedom – Bitterness: Where it begins.
